When a Book Becomes a Gateway (and Zoom becomes a sanctuary)
Notes from my wrecked nervous system
Hi friend,
How are you?
Me? I honestly couldn’t tell you.
Most of the time I’m oddly calm about you know, life or death. But also deeply sad and rage-y about the human exclamation points who are leading us to more suffering and destruction, continuously. I seem to be handling things well, mechanically well. But then something tiny and insignificant doesn’t work (coffee getting cold too fast, browser tab freezing, not finding my eye drops) and I can fall apart. Call it resilience or delusion, this is what exists at the moment. But I cherish structure more than ever – and so here I am, typing away to share thoughts and feelings and feel like I can control a small part of the world, my Substack.
The Stupid Idea You’re Embarassed By? It Might Be a Lifeline for Someone
A few days ago, in the middle of another devastating news cycle, in between shelter runs, an unexpected idea landed:
What if I held a Portal Pages session?
Portal Pages is something I prototyped once — a non-book-club where we use the characters and themes of a novel as a portal for deeper, more connected conversation. You don’t need to read the book. The story is just a mirror. The point is us.
My inner voice immediately chimed in:
“This is unhinged. People are in shelters. Kids are home. You haven’t touched this format in 6 months. Who are you to offer something like this now?”
But something in me refused to shut it down.
So I posted about it. I caveated it (“call me delusional if you want, I won’t mind”). I gave it room to breathe.
And it happened.
Six people joined me on Zoom to explore time, loss, and love through The Time Traveler’s Wife. It was part meditation, part tarot reading, part spiritual practice, part geeky book hang. It was quiet and powerful and necessary.
And the feedback?
“You’re a natural facilitator.”
“Would pay for this.”
“Nourishing, healing, opened my heart and eyes.”
“Please do more.”
Why am I sharing this?
Because this is also my philosophy at Consider Labs.
Not only the book club part — the part where we follow the thread of curiosity until it leads somewhere meaningful.
Where asking what wants to emerge now? isn’t a distraction, it’s the strategy.
Where we let softness guide us toward clarity.
Where “noticing something strange and following it” isn’t off-brand — it is the brand.
We need more places to pause, reconnect, and reflect — especially in chaos.
And sometimes, the idea that feels “too weird” or “too soon” is actually exactly right.
So if you’ve been sitting on an idea that feels out of left field… maybe don’t talk yourself out of it just yet.
What Happened Inside the Portal
We spent 90 minutes together — six of us — navigating time, loss, memory, and the beautifully absurd tension between fate and free will.
We used The Time Traveler’s Wife as our jumping-off point, but really, it was just the excuse — a shared mirror that let us see ourselves more clearly.
Here’s some of what we explored together:
Perspectives, multiplicity and reality — holding opposing realities at once without needing to resolve them
Freedom, determinism and fate — where does choice exist, and what is our relationship with determinism?
Time and body limitations — our physical vulnerability and the strange, ticking urgency of being human
Grief and loss — how we live with the knowledge of endings, and still hope
Readiness and perfectionism — that gnawing urge to control the uncontrollable
(And a few things we didn’t get to but are still hanging in the ether: reparenting our past selves, the idea of chosen family, and what it means to feel truly safe in community.)
ps. You can grab the printable theme cards here
The Books That Came With Us
Yes, we mentioned The Time Traveler’s Wife (Audrey Niffenegger), but also:
The Year of Magical Thinking — Joan Didion
The Body Keeps the Score — Bessel van der Kolk
End and Beginning — Wisława Szymborska
Sonnets to Orpheus — Rainer Maria Rilke
Other books I pulled quotes from — some we used, some are still waiting:
The Compassionate Mind — Paul Gilbert
Bone Black — bell hooks
The Essential Rumi — tr. Coleman Barks
The Way of Integrity — Martha Beck
Time Is a Mother — Ocean Vuong
What Kind of Woman — Kate Baer (my poetry crush)
You can find them all on my Bookshop storefront
A Question to Take With You
What’s your relationship with time?
And what version of you is asking that question?
Let that one sit. Let it trail you around the kitchen.
What’s Next for Portal Pages?
Honestly? I don’t fully know. I’m still listening.
Do we want to meet monthly? Hybrid or in-person? Should there be a post-session reflection, or a quiet thread for people to drop things into later?
If you’ve been part of a session — or if you’re just curious — I’d love to hear from you. What would support you? What would feel nourishing, not another obligation?
Portal Pages was born out of curiosity. It’ll grow the same way.
Want to be part of this journey? Incredible. Fill this interest list form please.
There’s Now a Whole Portal Pages Section
If this kind of reflection-space-without-homework speaks to you, I’ve got news: Portal Pages officially has its own corner of my Substack.
It’s where I’ll be sharing:
session recaps like this one (even if you couldn’t attend, you’re part of the conversation)
deeper questions we’ve explored
behind-the-scenes thoughts on the books, themes, and weird little portals we walk through together
maybe even guest reflections, who knows?
Check it out here and subscribe to that section specifically if you want more of this kind of content in your inbox.
And since you’re already here, you might also want to peek at my newly updated About page — it’s part personal story, part breadcrumb trail, part invitation to join the conversation in whatever way fits you best right now.
In the Meantime…
If you’re new here: welcome. I write about work, self-reflection, spiritual practice, and books — with the occasional portal thrown in.
You can subscribe here or forward this to someone who would love a weird little ritual like this.
If you want more tools for introspection:
CuriosityGPT: a free AI tool to turn your “I don’t know” into a better question.
Curiosity Lab: my 1:1 strategy deep-dive offer (and yes, I’m working on a less-ugly landing page soon).
And if something stirred in you after reading this — even just a half-formed thought — I’d love to hear it.
The portal is still open.
Until next time (hopefully),
Chedva x