Life of an Obnoxious Eldest Daughter
Hi friend,
I'm writing this issue from my phone because I'm down with a bad stomach bug (if you think this is TMI, we've clearly never had a conversation), so I hope it comes through ok.
There’s so much on my mind these days. I'll try to organize my thoughts and feelings a little, hope you're ok coming along for the ride.
I've been dealing with a tricky situation with someone very close to me the last few weeks. For the first few weeks of this, i found myself paralyzed, shrinking into nor only feeling alone but also seeking solitude and feeding that “aloneness”, shying away from showing up in a time when my business needed me to show up the most. It took some time but I understood that this is my body’s default setting for dealing with other people’s avoidance, abandonment (or what my body perceives as abandonment) and especially when hard topics such as money are involved.
But an amazing thing happened once i realized this: my behavior changed. Understanding my automatic reactions made it easier for me to be in the position of actually making a choice.
That's what brought on last week’s issue, for example, and a whole conversation with myself and others around me about integrity and how even decent people have “integrity leakages” which we can take care of.
Question for you:
If you find yourself stuck in a loop or in a behavior you don't think you've consciously chosen, try to gently ask yourself: where do I know this from? How is this situation different from that one? Or how am I different than I was back then?
The 3 Beverage Rule… But For Books?
Powered by this relief, I've had two really exciting weeks of focus and productivity. It felt like the air was buzzing with momentum, and things started moving in a way that they haven't since June. I also found myself working more on weaving in breaks, systems and boundaries back into my work routine. This is is something I've been notoriously bad at for most of my career, but have improved upon while heading Rooms & Words.
Here’s how it looks for me right now (of course it might change and fluctuate with time:)
Lunch happens away from my desk
Only up to 2 podcast recordings a week
Client comms happen in email and on slack
I try to get in some movement every day (it can be some gentle stretches, 10 minutes of YouTube yoga or walking the dog) and I like to have 2x a week at the gym/swimming pool because it pulls me away from my phone
I try to generate some small pockets of time without my phone and with a book
Which brings me to this realization:
Ok, so you probably know (or have experienced) the millennial urge to have 3 beverages in front of you at all times, right? So I'm the same way with books. The books I'm reading right now (which are all in my Bookshop storefront - with affiliate links):
Business/ spirituality: The Diamond Cutter
Memoir: The Critic’s Daughter
Romance: finished Hotter In The Hamptons and started Totally And Completely Fine
Are you the same way about books? And what boundaries or breaks are you practicing this summer?
Lately on Looks Like Work
You might have seen on my IG that the world’s cutest intern (my son!) is using the summer to upload blog posts about LLW episodes to the Consider website! I'm really excited to have a home for my podcast and kind of a living, breathing archive outside of Spotify, Apple Podcasts etc. Right now you can see Season 3 on the blog but he's well into uploading Seasons 1 and 2 as well, and ill hit publish once he's done :)))
Also don't miss my latest episodes with Hannit Cohen, my ex co-founder and (not ex) very good friend, and Liza Futerman.
Mission: Unshrinking
As i mentioned above, I've been paying attention to areas where I'm shrinking: feeling cringey, annoying, fearing I'm taking too much space and demanding too much attention.
Friends have told me they have a hard time believing this about me, but it’s true: Feeling like i don't deserve to take up space has been core to my experience of the world since I can remember myself.
And yet I show up here, speak on stages and seek out opportunities to guest on podcasts… but it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. It does mean I'm good at working through it :)
My next offer is called Gravitas, and its all about working with founders on their founder mindset, their roadmap, strategy and visibility. Leading up to it, I'm going to be working extra on my own Unshrinking - and that means I’m going to be brave now, and invite you to join my weekly business newsletter which is going to be packed with tools, tips and strategies for founders and leaders. You can find it right here in the footer of my website.
Gosh, this sentence was hard to write. I have a thing with marketing emails. They come way less easily to me than social media or blogging, and they definitely trigger that “I'm annoying” button. But I worked on the next few emails this week (thanks to Kels for lovingly kicking my ass) and I can assure you they'll be worth it🙈
Phew! I can't believe i did this, and now I’ll have another entry for my Unshrinking series on IG (follow along). Are you going to join me in challenging yourself to unshrink? Where do you feel the most resistance?
Ok friend, I'm a bit lightheaded from this stomach bug and writing a full length issue on my phone, so I’ll leave you with this. Thank you so much for being here.
Until next time,
Yours,
Chedva x
ps. End the war. Bring the hostages home. Feed Gaza. Elections now.
Pps. Yeah the title ended up not having anything to do with anything 😅 but real ones will know! And we’ll discuss TS12 another time